Calling All Angels...

I am so lost. Emotionally, mentally, maybe even physically. Life is or was beyond chaotic the last week or so, and I am still reeling from the huge emotional slap to the face that was delivered to me every day. I am still in shock. And not a happy shock. An "I need to stay strong" shock. 

There is too much to even think about writing it all out nor do I think that writing it will help. I mean maybe. But not here. Not yet. I am so scared for college. It's so far away. And I am lonely here in CA where all my friends and family are. How will moving to OHIO change that. I think sometimes I am the one who is creating the void. Trying to push everyone away so I doesn't hurt when I leave. But I don't think that is how I should be going about it. 

Stupid shuffle music. Playing horrible songs. I've decided that I am heartbroken. And by my own accord. Every relationship I've had has ended by my hands, and I think me growing up has caused me to realize how many mistakes I made. 

Heart, you've let me down, 

Chasing love where it can't be found.

And Heart, we've fallen out, 

Cause all of your emotions

Have led me to doubt. 

Tell me who's gonna save us now?

I constantly feel like me and my heart are on two different planets. 

We never agree.  We fight constantly, and when we don't my mind stabs me in the back.

I've been told I need to stop thinking. And once I did. And now I stay up late at night.

Thinking. 

And thinking.

About what happened.

And why I let it. 

I don't regret it.

Okay. Maybe I do.

But not the what.

The who.

But that's a story for another time....

Dear Heart, do you belong to me, or do I belong to you?
Just look at all the trouble you drag me into.
I've heard it said to follow your heart, 
But I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.

Okay well now that I have officially thought way too much I will stop typing before I say something stupid.

Two weeks till my life tips upside down.